Giving Yourself a Break

I went to bed early last night, right before 7. I wasn’t feeling great, so I decided I just needed some sleep. Well, that early bedtime meant I woke up at 1:30 this morning.

As I was sitting here drinking my coffee, I started mentally beating myself up with all of my shortcomings. I have a short fuse lately, I don’t keep up with house work as much as I should, I’m still fighting an overweight battle, I complain a lot sometimes, and I allow my anxiety to hold me back more often than it should.

Then, I started thinking, “Why am I so hard on myself? I have been through so much in my lifetime.” Everyone goes through hard times. We really should give ourselves a bit of a pass. I decided to make a list of just the things that have happened since our youngest was born.

After making the list, I realized just how much has happened in the past 11 years. It’s been rough at times. And no wonder I have severe anxiety. And then I thought, maybe I should share. Everyone has rough times, and we are all harder on ourselves than anyone else.

So here is my list. Don’t judge; we all fight through our own battles and not one of us is better than the other.

Grandpa dies month before #4 is born 2009
Hysterectomy 2010
Ankle surgery 2011
Bankruptcy 2009
Husband has appendicitis 2010
#4 has severe sleep apnea, has adenoids removed 2010
#3 gets Kawasaki Disease 2010
Mother-in-law diagnosed with breast cancer 2009
We move to horrible town 2012
We move to best town(most of the time) 2013
#3 comes down with blood disorder 2013
Husband leaves job of 11 years for new job 2013
I am sick for over a year 2012-2014
Husband loses 2 grandparents and father all within months 2014
I am diagnosed with cancer, have it removed 2014
Husband gets another new job in new career field 2015
Husband loses other grandparent to same type of cancer I had 2015
I quit smoking 2015
New jobs come and go
#2 gets parasite and is in hospital for a while 2016
#4 has tonsils removed 2016
My dad’s health gets worse 2017 to 2020
My cousin dies 2018
#4 has appendicitis then gets abcess 2019
World pandemic 2020
2 family pets die 2020
Teen son tells me his girlfriend is pregnant 2020
Still world pandemic is going on 2020

The actual years listed may not be exact, but it all has happened in the past 11 years. This list doesn’t include what happened before 2009. That list isn’t much better. There were also other things that happened but either not as major or I just can’t remember what year. So if I have some anxiety and stress issues; I’ve decided to give myself a little bit of a break. Can you blame me?

Remember to give yourself grace. Life is hard. Even with all the bad, there are beautiful experiences mixed in between. For 2020, my biggest beautiful experience is being able to have a granddaughter and to watch #1 be an amazing parent.

Maybe think about what you have been through. What do you need to give yourself a break on? What are your beautiful experiences?

That’s all for today. Thanks for stopping by!

Politics

I am not normally one to give my political opinion. I think some people would be surprised about my leanings. I’m giving it to you now. Sort of.

I’m tired of hearing about politics. I’m tired of the hate and vitriol spewing from people’s mouths and hearts. I’m tired of friends and family not being able to have a difference of opinion without being vilified for their beliefs. I’m tired of the word “racist” being thrown at people just because of who they vote for. I’m tired of people being called ignorant or uneducated because of who they voted for. I’m tired of the news reporters shoving their personal opinions down their viewer’s throats and trying to influence votes. I’m tired of celebrity’s doing the same. I’m tired of the Democrats. I’m tired of the Republicans. I’m tired of the right AND the left.

What happened to our country? What happened to the citizens who banded together and supported one another during times of national crisis, despite race, income, gender, and political affiliation? I miss those people.

Some people think me naive when I ask, “Why can’t everyone just get along?” I’m not naive. I know that people can’t always get along. My kids can’t even get along most of the time. But, there is no excuse for the absolute cruelty and hate that I witness everywhere I turn.

People, we are ONE nation. At one point, every single one of us loved this country, and we loved the majority of the people who lived here.

Get over yourselves and just show humility, kindness, and respect for your fellow Americans.

That’s my opinion about this whole mess. I love you all. Thanks for stopping by.

The Changing of the Seasons

Photo by Cole Keister on Pexels.com

Fall is in full swing here in our neck of the woods. Temperatures are swinging from hot to cool and then back again, and leaves are beginning to change. When everything around us seems to be at a standstill, the earth keeps her schedule with the changing of seasons.

Our big top is in a transition season. We have childhood, teens, young adulthood, and middle age all happening at the same time. It can be complete chaos at times. At other times, it is absolutely beautiful. Our children are growing into who they will be, and it is awe inspiring to be able to be here to witness their transformations.

Even though #1 is young, he is a father now. I can’t begin to describe to you the pride we have in how he has accepted this new role. He is an amazing father and is very present. He is in a committed relationship with the mother of his child, and they seem to be doing really well with their new little. She is perfect though, so I don’t see how they couldn’t be.

Number 2 is learning to balance his interests with school and he is growing as a person and he navigates the teen years. His bullriding scares this momma a bit, but he seems to love it, so there is nothing I can do but support his dreams and aspirations.

Number 3 is a young teen. He is dealing with all the new hormones that come along with that age and trying to learn who he is as a person. He is my sensitive soul. He had a rough start to life in his first 3 years, but I could not be more proud of the effort he puts into the things he loves.

Number 4 is my quirky kid. He is a preteen and is in his last year of elementary school. He will be moving up with the big boys next year. He is so intelligent. Some times that intelligence gets him into trouble with his smart mouth. He will learn though, or he won’t. No matter what though, I see big things in this boy’s future.

The hubbs and I are kinda just rolling with the seasons, trying to hold on as we raise these monkeys. Let me tell you though, being a grandparent is the most amazing thing. That little girl is just precious and she will know she is loved, always.

What season is your circus in?

Weight Loss Journey

When I graduated high school, 21 years ago, I was a slim 118 pounds. At 5 feet 2 inches, I was a perfect size. By the time #1 was born when I was 21, I weighed in at 200 pounds. Now, 3 more kids later and many years since, I am considered very large. I have gone up and down with my weight over the years with several different diets and yet the number has still gone up. I have never been able to stick with a diet long enough or they just don’t work.

It is extremely hard to lose weight after you have reached a certain point. And eating the same foods as teen boys eat(who are extremely active and have amazing metabolisms), just adds too much temptation for someone who is looking to lose extra body weight.

So I’ve had enough of the struggle. I need help getting to my goal. After a lot of soul searching and some small battles with insurance, I’ve decided to have weight loss surgery. Gastric Sleeve to be precise. I only have 3 more things to finish, and then I can schedule my surgery date. I am on a medical weight loss diet right now to lose 14 pounds to be qualified for surgery. I have lost some of that 14, but it is a lot more difficult than I thought. I am the cook of the house. I can’t expect my family to eat the same foods I’m having to eat right now, so I fix the normal fare for them. You have no idea how hard it is to fight the temptation to cheat on my diet and take a bite of the yummy food i prepare for my family.

Our boys aren’t very supportive, but my husband has been amazing. He will even eat the same foods I do, so I don’t feel alone.

I am excited to take this step in my weight loss journey, but also so nervous. I know it’s not a quick fix, just a tool to help get to where I need to be. I’m terrified I am going to fail. I want this so badly. I want to be a healthier mom, I want to be able to see all of my grandchildren, I want to be more active, I want to look like I belong with my husband.

So, I will take it one step at a time, day by day. I have to keep telling myself I will reach my goals, and just keep pushing forward.

Back to School and New Normals

Well, the boys are back in school. They were all ready to head back and see their friends. Number 1 is a senior now! I can’t believe it. Childhood passes too quickly for this momma.

So, I had been pretty vague with my past posts, but since everyone knows in our family and community, I figured I could share with all of you. Number 1 has had a serious girlfriend now for a year. She is the sweetest girl too. In just a few weeks, the 2 of them will become parents. We will be welcoming a sweet, little baby girl into our family. As you can imagine, it was really hard on our families at first to hear this news. They are very young. However, we are all so excited now. A baby is always a blessing, and I get to be a grandma! The parents are both extremely mature and I know they will be amazing parents. They have so much support and love backing them up, they will do great!

I just wanted to stop by and give everyone an update. Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of writing and post more often. I have a lot to say.

By the way, I have started a new Etsy shop. So if you wouldn’t mind, stop by and take a look.

Until next time, thanks for stopping by!

https://etsy.me/3kTcvfi

Update

I know I haven’t written in a bit, but things have been crazy. I’ve decided to take a break for a while and deal with some personal things, but when I can, I will start back with the blog. Thank you all!❤

My Babies to Young Men

My children are getting older. It is really hard on me. For the longest time, I was their everything. I could not even leave the room without them wondering where I went. Now, I am always wondering where they are. Are they where they told me they would be? Are they safe? Are they making good choices?

I am finding that I am having trouble letting go and allowing them to make their own decisions and make their own mistakes. It is making me realize that I have some control issues. I know, many who know me will ask, “You are just now realizing your control issues?” I’m not just now realizing it, I am just being confronted by them all at once. I can’t always control what my boys do when they are not with me. I can make suggestions sure, but it is up to them to make the decision on whether or not they follow my advice.

Starting next school year, I will have a senior. #1 has always been my independent one. And the majority of the time, he makes sound and smart decisions. However, there have been some things that have happened that he has to deal with the consequences of now. They are not necessarily horrible consequences, but they will make life’s path just that much harder to navigate. I am so proud of how he is handling things. He faces things head on with so much dignity and responsibility. He is going to do great things in his future.

My babies are growing up and I am so proud of the young men they are turning out to be. Now, can this momma just learn to let go in the process?

Thanks for stopping by!

It’s been a while…

So. It’s been a while. I haven’t had the gumption to write lately. A few weeks ago, we had a an altercation with two of our dogs. It was very bad. I love my fur babies very much, so when something bad happens, it hits me extremely hard.

We have a corgi, Tyson, who is almost 10 years old. We had a pit mix, Bones, who was 2. Tyson is a happy dog. He loves all humans, and most of the time, he loves all dogs. He is my 5th child. We have had him since he was 8 weeks old.

Bones and his litter were abandoned on the side of a highway when they couldn’t even walk yet. A family member of #1’s friend found them and saved them. We brought Bones into our family when he was about 3 months old. Bones didn’t like any humans outside of his family, and he was kind of aggressive with other dogs. He was also very territorial. He had shown aggression a few times, but we normally could curb any issues before it got too serious. He was #1’s dog, but he was also mine. I loved him very much.

One evening, #3 and #4 took all the dogs outside for a potty break, and for some reason, Bones snapped. He attacked Tyson in the most viscous attack I have ever seen. It lasted about 30 minutes. Everything we tried would not get Bones to release Tyson. All our attempts seemed to make it worse, and there were a few moments where we thought Tyson was dead. Bones was even growling at us. After the attack finally ended, #2 and I rushed Tyson to the university veterinary ER. He almost didn’t make it.  He was in the ICU and had to have emergency surgery. His trachea was torn up and jugular punctured. He is missing part of an ear, and his face is torn up.

While we were gone, the hubbs tried to find a place for Bones to go. We couldn’t keep him after the attack. It wasn’t safe. Unfortunately, everywhere we tried said they couldn’t take him because of his aggressive behavior, and our vet recommended euthanasia. He said sometimes a dog just snaps, and after an attack like that, they don’t come out of it the same dog. So, Bones was put down, and he is buried on our property.

Tyson is still mending from his injuries. It has been about a month. He is kept in a small area in the house. He is on a special, homemade diet, and wears a cone around his neck. He gets better every day.

We are still mourning the loss of Bones in our home. He had a huge personality, and we loved him so much. He will be missed for a long time.

I just had to get it out and write about it. I haven’t been able to write since it happened. I had nightmares for a few weeks following the attack and my mood has been extremely down. I’m hoping this helps.

I hope to be able to get back into the swing of writing again. Thanks for stopping by. Until next time…