Teens

Raising teenagers is hard. Hardest thing I have ever done. They seem to bring out the worst of a person. They yell at you, you yell back. They curse at you, and you uncontrollably curse back. What is it about teens that bring out the hidden teen inside of each parent? I know that I would have been knocked sideways if I spoke to my parents the way my teens spoke to me. Is it that it’s not as acceptable to reprimand our children that way? Is it the amount of teenagers I have at one time? I know that I am not handling it as gracefully as my parents did. Maybe it’s a different type of teens we are raising. Maybe we are all making excuses. I’m not sure of what it is, but I’m exhausted. When do they outgrow this rebellious stage?

Circus on the Homefront

Things have been fairly quiet here at the circus. Baseball season has started and all the boys are starting out strong. Our cows should start having their babies in the next couple of weeks. That is always an exciting time. #2 and #4 have started a new adventure. They decided to follow in their dad’s footsteps and try their luck in steer riding/bull riding. We shall see how that goes. And I am down to just the one job, working from home. I’m excited for it. It is hard for me to work outside the home and do everything that a mom of four boys needs to do. My anxiety definitely gives me trouble with that, and the boys seem to do better when I am more available for them. This new job still allows me to help with bringing income in, and doing all the mom stuff that needs to be done. Win/win on all sides.

That’s all I’ve got for this week. Thanks for stopping by!

Six Years

Six years ago today, I received some upsetting news about my health. I had been sick with repeated kidney infections for about a year and the doctors had no idea what was causing them. I was in and out of the hospital, exhausted, and just down right tired of being ill. Finally, a doctor in the ER did a CT scan of my kidneys and told me it looked like I had a cyst on my left kidney. They sent me with a referral to a women’s Urologist and another CT scan with dye was done. A few days later, the nurse called me and said, “We need you to come in first thing tomorrow morning to go over your results.” I knew something wasn’t right. They don’t tell you to come in over good news. The next morning, on February 28th, 2014, the doctor told me that there was a 90% chance that I had kidney cancer. She told me they were sending me to a Urology surgeon to get more information. I left right after. I had gone by myself. I was kind of numb at first, but as I was driving down the highway, I started shaking so bad I had to pull over to the shoulder. I sat there in my car, all alone as cars sped by, and bawled my eyes out. I was terrified. I had 4 little boys, all in elementary school, and up to that point I had only met 1 person who had survived a cancer diagnosis. Everyone else I knew who had had cancer had died from it. I called the hubbs and let him know and then headed to my parents house to talk to them.

I ended up having a partial nephrectomy on my left kidney on May 6, 2014. The doctors were able to remove all of the cancer. I am 6 years in of NEDS(no evidence of disease).

That diagnosis changed how I view the world and everything that goes on in it. Some of it good. Some of it bad. In some ways I am a much stronger person. I no longer fear dying the way I used to. I learned to be at peace with it. I learned that it is inevitable for everyone. I have learned that there is always something worse and I try my best to appreciate what I have. I don’t always succeed in that. We all complain about piddly things, and I do that often at times. On the other hand, the diagnosis made me a bit weaker in some areas of my life. I have always been a sensitive person, but I seem to be even more so now. I don’t handle stress well at all, and for some reason my anxiety has increased with a lot of things.

That day definitely changed me. It has shaped me into a new person that sees the entire world in a new light. But, I count my blessings that I am cancer free and able to see my babies grow up. A lot of cancer patients don’t get that luxury. I am one of the lucky ones.

Quiet Days

It’s been a quiet day in the house. #1 and his girlfriend, #3, and I have been hanging out with the dogs on this rainy day. We’ve watched movies, played video games, and baked a bunch of cookies. The Hubbs, #2, and #4 went on a road trip for some guy time adventures. A quiet day was exactly what this momma needed, and I get another tomorrow as I get an extra day off from my day job. I will be starting a second job working from home on the evenings and weekends. It will only be about 20 hours a week, but will definitely bring in some extra income. After all, teenage boys eat a LOT of food.

Life in this circus seems to be calming down for the moment, but baseball season starts soon. Lots of busy times ahead. It is never calm for long here.

Changes

Our Circus is embarking on lots of new life adventures. While some of it may be challenging and maybe a bit scary, I can’t help but be a little hopeful that everything will work out and our lives will be that much more full of blessings. As long as we stick together and love and support one another, we can weather any storm and come out stronger in the end.

I am so proud of my kids. They are handling these changes so well. They seem to be more supportive of one another and even more protective of each other. We are communicating much more and even #1 and #2 are getting along for the first time in over a year.

I hope these new changes bring our family closer together in the end. As time passes, things may be difficult, but I have faith. Faith in that all things happen for a reason and life is fixing to be that much sweeter.

Life

Don’t you just love it when you make plans, and are going about life the best you can, and then, BAM!? Life decides it wants to to throw a curve ball at you. Decides on it’s own, without our okay to do so, that it wants us to go a different direction? Yeah, I’m not a big fan.

Life is hard.

That’s all for today. Thanks for stopping by.

Parenting

Being a parent is hard. You are handed this tiny, screaming, squirming bundle in the hospital and told, “Congratulations! Here ya go! Love this being, feed this being, and keep this being alive. And don’t screw it up!” Being a parent is an enormous responsibility. Yeah, there are all sorts of parenting books and experts out there, but until you actually ARE a parent, you have no IDEA!

Being a parent is like living with your heart outside of your body. I read that somewhere once. No truer words have ever been written. I had never known that it was possible to love another person that much until I held my first baby in my arms the first time. I knew, in that moment, that I would love him for all eternity. I knew that I would give my life to protect that beautiful, innocent baby from any and all harm. I felt that same feeling each time one of our boys was born.

As our children grow, we teach them and try to guide them in the right direction. The older they get, the more they become an independent individual. They pull away from us and learn to make their own decisions. It starts at a very young age. The first time they hold their bottle/sippy cup by themselves, the first time they put their pants on without help, first time they learn to go potty in the toilet, their first day of school, first sleep over, first dance, staying home by themselves. You get the idea. It’s hard, as parents, to let go and step back. It’s scary to watch them become independent. You know that with independence comes many risks. Some of those risks have great rewards. On the other hand, some of those risks end with unfavorable outcomes. It’s all par for the course, I guess.

There is no greater reward than watching your child become the person they were meant to be. There is also a great amount of fear that comes along with it. Watching them fail, and watching them succeed. We do the best we can, and love them all the same.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I would’t trade it for anything in the world.