This Is My Circus Tshirt

This Is My Circus; these are my monkeys

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Living as a Highly Sensitive Introvert

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by people? To have too much stimuli from being around others, so much so that it feels like you are vibrating from the inside out from all the energy you have absorbed throughout the day? It affects your mood, your emotions, your thoughts. And then being made to feel less than for being overly emotional or super sensitive to people’s actions or opinions. Has it ever been so bad that you feel like you have the flu and you have to rest and recharge for days? Being awkward in public, stumbling over words, not being able to make small talk, and then replaying every way you could have reacted differently in those situations? How about people thinking you are dumb, just because of the extreme awkwardness? Not fitting in with anyone? Not wanting to fit in with anyone. Your internal monologue fighting against what you want and sometimes need to do. Fighting anxiety and depression. Being told to suck it up and don’t let things bother you. Told if you just quit being so sensitive that you could be so much happier. Being born feeling this way. It being who you are at the very center of your being. That’s just a little of what it’s like living as a highly sensitive Introvert.

Snow Day!

A lazy day, I believe, is in order. It’s a snow day for everyone in this circus! The boys are excited and enjoying a lazy morning. The hubbs and I have been up all morning watching the news and laughing at the goofballs sliding around on the roadways. The dogs have been running, jumping, and biting at the snow. Sledding, snowballs, snowmen, wet clothes, cold noses, and laughter are what the snow brings today.

The Boys and Chores

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I believe children should have their own chores that they are responsible for. It builds character, teaches responsibility, and it is part of being a family. The boys have shared and individual chores. The older two feed and water cows during the week, make sure their rooms are picked up, do their own laundry, and clean up after supper each night. The younger two take turns taking out the trash, feed and water the dogs, clean their room, and help out with their laundry. I do not think this is too much to ask of kids, especially kids their ages. There are times, on the weekend, that I may ask all of them to help me out with some of the deep cleaning tasks that I normally do. More often than not, I don’t bother though. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and prefer to just do it myself. In the summer time they are expected to help with yard work, they are strong, strapping young men after all.

Even though I think this isn’t too much to ask of the boys, if you were to ask them how they felt, they would tell you that they do everything in the house, and their dad and I don’t do anything at all. Never mind that we both work full time, ten hours a day jobs. Never mind that I come home every night and cook a home-cooked meal for my family of six. Never mind that my every weekend is spent vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, mopping and scrubbing gross bathrooms used primarily by males. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely appreciate any and all help that I can get, but just a little credit would be nice.

Every once in a while though, magic happens. I will come home from running to town to get groceries, and someone has vacuumed, or the floor has been mopped. All without having to say anything to anyone. They really have no idea what those moments mean to a mom. One less thing to have to worry about.

So yes, I believe in chores for kids. My boys are extremely hard working, they volunteer quite often to help out when in the community, most of the time they show respect for others, and they will have useful skills when they are out on their own in this big world. What are your thoughts on children and chores?

Stressed

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Have you ever been in a situation that causes extreme anxiety and stress? Just the thought of it causes stomach cramps, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate. Some situations are so bad, they cause high blood pressure and even panic attacks. How do you remove yourself from that kind of situation? What if it’s a job, a presentation for work, or just something that is not easy to get out of? I’m in one of those scenarios. Its causing an ulcer, hair loss, cold sores, a rise in my already too high blood pressure, and it’s even caused a nocturnal panic attack. At times, it seems so unbearable. Maybe I’m just not good at handling stress? I’m not sure, but I’m doing everything I can think of to remove myself. I’m sure a lot of people deal with this kind of stress on a daily basis, but for me, something’s got to give.

The Flu has struck the circus

This afternoon, when #4 walked in the door, he was coughing, and snorting, and moaning and groaning. I new what that meant. The same situation we have at my work with half the office out. The flu has arrived in our house. I got him in bed, checked his temp, gave him some meds, and fixed him some hot tea. He looks at me, with his big, dark glassy eyes, “Mom? Am I dying”? “What? No!” I say. “Why would you even ask that? It’s just the flu, bud. Its gotta run its course. You will be fine “. #4 is prone to dramatics a bit. He will be fine. This just means that we will have a another sick kiddo in a few days when it jumps to the next in line. By the way, we did get our flu shots. It doesn’t always work. So coughs, sneezes, sniffles, and fevers, hot tea, lysol, and sleepless nights are our future for just a while.

When Mom is sick

Why is it, when mom is sick, that it seems like no one knows how to pick up the slack with house chores? Clean the kitchen? No, let’s leave it dirty for when mom feels better. Pick up your clothes when you change? No, let’s just drop our discarded laundry wherever we took it off (Are people changing in the hallway??). Wash a load of laundry? No, just start a new stack of dirty smelly clothes. Mom needs something to do while she is at home sick. Cook your own dinner? No, let’s go ask mom what there is to eat and complain that we don’t know how to fix anything. Is it my fault? Have I been raising a bunch of dependent, needy humans, or is it because I have all boys? I mean, for goodness sake! I’ve taught y’all how to do all of this! Come on guys, help a mother out.

The Mom Escape

Every mom needs an escape. While raising the next generation, it’s very easy for moms to lose their sense of self. Trust me, I speak from experience. I spent a decade and a half to devoting every single second of my life to my children and running our everyday lives. I lost who I am at the core of my being. It’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just what happens. As the boys are getting older and finding out who they are, I have been doing some deep inner searching. What do I enjoy? What do I love to do? Guess what. I had no idea. So, I have started going back to what I used to enjoy. I love reading. That never went away actually. That has always been my escape. My guilty pleasure. I go through waves where I read a book or more a day. I don’t sleep much during those times. I get in trouble with the hubbs during those times too. So, I try and find new things. My love of reading is actually what brought me to reading about herbalism and growing plants. I have rediscovered plants. In highschool, I was on the floriculture team. I forgot how much digging in the dirt, planting seeds, and watching new life sprout can be relaxing. There is nothing like the musty scent of churned earth. I now have 18 new house plants. If you can’t already tell, I can become rather obsessive about things. Another hobby I have started is becoming a hot tea connoisseur. I love black tea with a bit of sugar and a splash of milk. I’m trying to go beyond that and try other flavors. But, my newest venture, is writing. I used to love writing. Short stories, essays, poems. I actually have an entire journal of poems I wrote in high school. My goal is to make my writing hobby an actual career. #GOALS, right? Anyway, I decided to try all of these new things because I feel adrift. Our oldest will be off to college in a little over a year, and then it’s a domino affect after that. I have stair step kids after all. Plus, teenagers are stress inducing beings, and I need a way to channel all that stress into something productive. So these are my mom escapes. What are yours?